


All the stars with you

by kalika_999



Series: Jack and Brock's misadventures [38]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Closeted Character, Developing Relationship, Feelings Realization, HYDRA Husbands, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 07:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14397222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalika_999/pseuds/kalika_999
Summary: Brock doesn't want anything, not until Jack becomes his everything.





	All the stars with you

Brock finally understands things when he's thirteen, _really_ understands them.

He’s getting the lights beat out of him and in a mad scramble to find some level of control, _something_ to own and say out of spite, he spits out his secret after hiding it away for months and probably for years in fear he was going to be treated and looked at worse than the piece of garbage people already told him he was.

He’s already considered a problem around here, why he’s in the predicament he’s in already, highly strung and defensive whenever someone says something the wrong way to him at school. His pops was called within the week with the threat of being expelled because kids were trying to push him around and calling him shit he doesn’t care to repeat. Being a fag is probably the last thing he needs right now but he admits things nonetheless.

The fact is confirmed that he should have kept his trap shut when he’s dumped at the ER with a broken arm and everyone believes he got his bruises from fights with kids his age since he’s already in trouble. He confirms it so readily either way, hates the horror stories he’s heard of the alternative. He’s not cute anymore, he never was, no one would take him home over some kid under the age of five.

When the lights are turned off and he’s in bed under the covers in a sterile hospital room doped up on drugs, he can’t breathe and his chest hurts as he punches at his thigh to ground himself back but he wonders if this is the one that’ll kill him.

After he’s out, his father doesn’t look at him, not that he did before, but he _feels_ it now like pinpricks of needles all over his skin and fingers trying to wrap around his throat, squeezing in hopes he chokes. He starts to bring girls around to meet him and prove what he said before was just a moment of disobedience; soon the extra sensations of disgust over him recede and he’s back to those comfortable standings with the old man where he knew if it was a night to get a bottle thrown at him for breathing or if they just end up ignoring each other under the same roof with a few choice derogatory remarks in the mix.

He graduates, _just barely_ , and takes a girl to prom that he’s never said more than a few words to. He doesn’t remember anything much of the night and chalks it up to all the spacing out he’s been doing in the past year. He leaves for college and has an attack the first night in his dorm room because it’s the first time he’s ever been away from home. He can’t sleep because of it and lays awake contemplating going back and working as a stock boy at the local grocery store.

By the time he meets Jack, Brock has been having anxiety and panic attacks for almost a decade.

Jack learns quickly, as he becomes his best friend, that panic attacks aren’t what he assumed they were. That Brock’s aren’t cookie cutter though sometimes they can be. He adapts to them rather quickly though, can tell when Brock feels like there’s just _too much_ around him; noises and people and all the lighting. He absorbs as much of it in as he can until it’s too much and it bubbles over into anger or recklessness. Jack picks up quickly that sometimes Brock’s overstimulated but not realizing it and that leads to stutters in his speech or stumbles over his words and panic sets into his eyes as he tries picking himself up from the mess only to make it worse and thus frustrate him more. Jack generally makes a big deal of him being bored of wherever they currently are and drags him away to cool off. It’s not like people really take notice either way and he’s okay with the ones that do take offense and project their annoyance of his interruption onto him instead of Brock. He can’t always be around to catch them but when he does he’ll take the hits every damn time. 

Later on they meet Bucky and the three of them get along well. The guy’s loud when he wants to be and makes a nuisance of himself around people that Brock isn’t comfortable with just by reading body language and Jack’s glad someone else is out there looking out for him without Brock really picking up on it as a way of protecting him.

Sometime later Brock tries to get help and talk to someone but as Jack sits out in the waiting room because of his belief Brock wouldn’t have gone without him following his ass there, he comes out more unhappy than not. He’s handed some information that doesn’t suit what he needs when Jack looks them over and requests not to be asked about going again. Jack accepts this and they go on their way. 

Brock doesn’t want to talk about certain things and Jack doesn’t know everything but gets a good idea from time to time if he shifts too fast or sneaks up behind him to playfully hit him at his side only to get Brock startled and then suddenly angry. Despite his body being mostly motionless, his eyes give up the fact that he flinches when things come at him and he hates the smell of alcohol one day and then gets shitfaced the next. Surprisingly though, despite bottling it up, he grows to adapt better to his anxiety instead of devolving the issue after trying to seek help.

Brock manages and does it well. He works on things that tangle him up, is more diligent with what he should avoid and provides more ways for himself to cope healthily. The sudden self-awareness he suddenly holds is surprising to Jack considering how much of short fuse his best friend has that seems to branch from lack of socialization, but he takes that thought in stride and accepts the way things go. 

Once they’re dorm mates, Jack finds Brock isn’t hesitant to ask for environment changes that are easier for him like lower lights, less noise or even if he just needs a bit more human interaction and they share a bed together to sleep in. He notes that it’s only with him though and Brock carries on with his ‘better than thou’ stubborn act around others, even Bucky; not that people outside of their small tiny circle have the patience to want to deal with him when they don’t have to.

During finals, Brock’s subsiding panic attacks come back out in full force and he temporarily moves into Jack’s space of their room. They end up doing everything together during that time, more so than usual, which is weird considering they’re generally attached to the hip and it puts a strain on Jack’s relationship with his (at the time) boyfriend who doesn’t appreciate Brock’s sudden need to be sharing a bed with his accepting boyfriend no matter how straight he seems. 

At a graduation house party, Jack gets wasted because he’s newly single and maybe a little upset about it and Brock joins in with his pity party. They decide on leaving early and driving drunk to an old look out to watch the stars on the hood of Brock’s car and in a half ass attempt to shotgun some weed they end up making out. It’s the most sober the either of them have been ever, not that they realize that at the time.

Apparently the next day they both seem to forget they did it and go about packing up and shipping out of college for the next leg of their journey. Aside for those finals, Brock’s got a pretty good hold on his issues but they inch back in when he watches Jack give him a friendly final wave and leans in for a hug as he promises to call him once he settles in to the new place he found already, hired off the bat for a new job. 

In a twist of coincidence, Brock ends up landing a security job in the same building as the one Jack works in considering it’s an up and coming starter business. They catch up with life in brief morning run-in’s and grab random coffees together when they can which quickly turn into lunch breaks they manage to get together and soon after that dinners or late night drinks are thrown into the mix if schedules align.

It’s after a nice dinner together that Jack offers to accompany Brock on his walk home since it’s only four blocks away and well, they’re still chatting so why not, it’s not like it means anything and before he knows what he’s doing, he ends up kissing Brock goodnight just outside his front door.

Brock stands startled, his body frozen as his keys hang off one lone finger while his hands are out in surprise but not doing anything other than that..which is great since Jack appreciates not being pushed away in shock considering it was accidental.

Doesn’t mean the gesture is welcomed either since he hadn’t kissed back.

Jack takes a step back, startled over what he did with a hand close to his mouth and eyes wide in surprise. The fact that Brock hasn’t punched him in the face yet is a Godsend, well, he doesn’t _think_ Brock would actually hit him but would probably say a few choice things about it and hasn’t. Whatever the reaction he’s been waiting for that hasn’t happened, it sinks in rather quickly that he does want to keep on kissing his very straight, as far as he knows, best friend if he ever gets a chance to again though he’s quite sure after tonight that’s never going to happen.

“Brock, shit I’m sorry- ” He breaks off despite wanting to say more. It’s just that Jack doesn’t know _what_ to say, the light's so dim and Brock’s face is shadowed away from the cast of it at the doorway as he’s turned his back to it. He can’t tell what he's thinking if anything and he’s not sure if the lack of movement is from an incoming attack of panic or if he’s about to blow up on him. Jack only breathes in nervously as he tries to ignore his lips tingling from the way they felt against Brock’s.

“S’fine.” His friend finally says, voice slightly deeper, strained. It’s the only sign he gives Jack and it only leaves the situation open to more questions than answers. 

Jack let’s the seconds tick, sure this is only a delayed panic attack because of the fact that they’ve been best friends that have lived in each others pockets for two years before they both moved out of school. He’s very sure of it considering he’s seen Brock look like he visually wants to throw up before his eyes as he rejects numerous girls hitting on him at parties they’ve attended together. He’s actually gone full on ballistic when one girl wouldn’t take the hint and practically tried climbing onto his lap at one get together and he told Jack he’s just not interested in a relationship right then.

Come to think of it now, Jack’s never seen Brock in _any_ sort of relationship while they’ve been friends..

He realizes the only time Brock really shows any opinion on relationships is when he’s temperamental any time Jack is dating someone and- _Oh_.

Well, he’s the biggest idiot to ever walk this earth. 

But he’s also not sure exactly because Brock is..well, Brock. 

“Um, so..” He stops himself from stepping in and hoping he’s right about his sudden epiphany and he presses his palms against the seams of his jeans not sure what to do with them anymore. He just keeps staring at Brock who hasn’t made much movement yet as he continues not to freak out but has an expression that’s too close to an animal cornered. Jack’s already made one possible mistake, he’s not going in for another.

Brock finally swallows as he continues looking at the way Jack stares at him, like he’s trying to figure him out and Brock knows exactly the feeling he’s going through because he’s doing the same thing about himself. He’s waiting for the sensation to move too much, the tightness in his chest that makes him struggle to breathe, the all-round panic to wash over him but nothing happens. Sure, his brain’s gone offline and it’s got this test card placed there with that ongoing annoying tone going off but he _should_ be doing something that assures him he’s panicking.

He just doesn’t though.

“Uh..hm.” Brock swallows thickly and he can’t stop looking at Jack’s face. He’s so freaked out just like him and he feels like they’re both back on the hood of his car smoking a joint and then suddenly they weren’t. He can see Jack’s trying to understand the situation, try to understand _him_ ; he does it when he’s unsure of how to approach something, like when he was getting to know Brock’s ticks and persistently learns them so he knows by heart. Brock is aware that sometimes they’re not so easy to pick up and there’s parts of him that he hides especially from Jack but he suddenly wonders if he’s the reason why he does keep them away in the first place. He worries his bottom lip, choosing formed lines and words from his head after thinking about them a few times and being careful with the tone of his voice. He wants to keep it light, be open to whatever this could mean and entirely unsure of if what he's doing is the right thing _to_ do. “Wanna come inside? Hang out a little longer..maybe?”

He’s immediately relieved when there’s a twitch at the corner of Jack’s mouth, the way he does when he wants to smile because he’s happy, or laugh even, but he’s attempting to school it because it may be the wrong time to. Brock turns his back on him then and fumbles with the keys, a hum of excitement coursing through and he fights to stop his hands from shaking. 

Jack barely makes a noise when he moves closer and Brock doesn’t notice he’s beside him until there’s a hand curving over his and assists with getting the key into the lock. Brock doesn’t say anything but he does push the door open while turning his hand over to take Jack’s and walk in.

Following him inside, Jack closes the door behind them and they both stand in the middle of the living room staring at each other in heavy silence and darkness. Neither are sure what to do anymore but they both know the other wants to stay there.

It’s Brock who abruptly laughs first and it feels like years of _baggage_ have just melted away. Jack only follows after him, just like he’s always wanted to. It's how they've always been, ever since the day they met.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from My Only Friend by Phantogram
> 
> Is there a preference of editing first a 5 plus 1 or a fic I wrote to the prompt _'It's 3am and you're in my backyard drunk and petting my dog.'_?


End file.
